By Bronnie Ware on November 30, 2011
For many years I worked in palliative care. My patients were those who had gone home to die. Some incredibly special times were shared. I was with them for the last three to twelve weeks of their lives. 
People grow a lot when they are faced with their own mortality. I learnt never to underestimate someone’s capacity for growth. Some changes were phenomenal. Each experienced a variety of emotions, as expected, denial, fear, anger, remorse, more denial and eventually acceptance. Every single patient found their peace before they departed though, every one of them.
When questioned about any regrets they had or anything they would do differently, common themes surfaced again and again. Here are the most common five:
1. I wish I’d had the courage to live a life true to myself, not the life others expected of me.
This was the most common regret of all. When people realise that their life is almost over and look back clearly on it, it is easy to see how many dreams have gone unfulfilled. Most people had not honoured even a half of their dreams and had to die knowing that it was due to choices they had made, or not made.
It is very important to try and honour at least some of your dreams along the way. From the moment that you lose your health, it is too late. Health brings a freedom very few realise, until they no longer have it.
2. I wish I didn’t work so hard.
This came from every male patient that I nursed. They missed their children’s youth and their partner’s companionship. Women also spoke of this regret. But as most were from an older generation, many of the female patients had not been breadwinners. All of the men I nursed deeply regretted spending so much of their lives on the treadmill of a work existence.
By simplifying your lifestyle and making conscious choices along the way, it is possible to not need the income that you think you do. And by creating more space in your life, you become happier and more open to new opportunities, ones more suited to your new lifestyle.
3. I wish I’d had the courage to express my feelings.
Many people suppressed their feelings in order to keep peace with others. As a result, they settled for a mediocre existence and never became who they were truly capable of becoming. Many developed illnesses relating to the bitterness and resentment they carried as a result.
We cannot control the reactions of others. However, although people may initially react when you change the way you are by speaking honestly, in the end it raises the relationship to a whole new and healthier level. Either that or it releases the unhealthy relationship from your life. Either way, you win.
4. I wish I had stayed in touch with my friends.
Often they would not truly realise the full benefits of old friends until their dying weeks and it was not always possible to track them down. Many had become so caught up in their own lives that they had let golden friendships slip by over the years. There were many deep regrets about not giving friendships the time and effort that they deserved. Everyone misses their friends when they are dying.
It is common for anyone in a busy lifestyle to let friendships slip. But when you are faced with your approaching death, the physical details of life fall away. People do want to get their financial affairs in order if possible. But it is not money or status that holds the true importance for them. They want to get things in order more for the benefit of those they love. Usually though, they are too ill and weary to ever manage this task. It is all comes down to love and relationships in the end. That is all that remains in the final weeks, love and relationships.
5. I wish that I had let myself be happier.
This is a surprisingly common one. Many did not realise until the end that happiness is a choice. They had stayed stuck in old patterns and habits. The so-called ‘comfort’ of familiarity overflowed into their emotions, as well as their physical lives. Fear of change had them pretending to others, and to their selves, that they were content. When deep within, they longed to laugh properly and have silliness in their life again.
When you are on your deathbed, what others think of you is a long way from your mind. How wonderful to be able to let go and smile again, long before you are dying.
Life is a choice. It is YOUR life. Choose consciously, choose wisely, choose honestly. Choose happiness.
Sources:
http://www.activistpost.com/2011/11/top-5-regrets-of-dying.html
http://www.inspirationandchai.com/Regrets-of-the-Dying.html
Share on bebo- Blog this!
- Bookmark on Delicious
- Share on dzone
- Share on fark
- Share on faves
- Share on FriendFeed
- Tip on Hyves
- Share on identica
- Share on linkagogo
- Share on Linkedin
- Share on mrwong
- Share via MySpace
- Share on netvibes
- Share on nuJIJ
- Share on Orkut
- Share on Posterous
- share via Reddit
- Share this on sphinn
- Share on technorati
- Tumblr it
- Share on vkontakte
- Share on xing
- Buzz it up
- Subscribe to the comments on this post
- Print for later
- Bookmark in Browser
sending...
Hi there, we just started a face book page devoted to capturing their words of wisdom.
Please help us to spread the word.
And please do ask your patients to join us - thanks
Here is the url
https://www.facebook.com/pages/The-Infinite-Voices/101627586621829
Poignant. I think in some ways we all “die” a bit each day as we invest energy, time, resources into things that aren’t necessarily dear to us. We can make the choice to live fully, in the moment we are given.Thank you for this timely reflection!
Like… Joys Comment… Actually Love!!
Thank you for sharing this.
Thanks for the wisdom.
Outstanding post. Thanks for sharing. Someone told me once that we learn most about living from those who are dying. Those facing death have given up the false sense of themselves, and the requirement of being something they are not. And with that clarity, they see how a great life is to lived. It is in being authentic and true to who you are - having the courage to choose to play to your gifts and inventing life as it needs to be for you. Now if only we would learn and listen so we could live that kind of life now, instead of lamenting what could have been. I call this living in our “greatness zone” that place that allows us to be who we really are and do what we do best to help transform the world. Keep posting. Thanks.
Thanks for sharing….!
Thanks for the timely reflections as Joys said. I have experienced this with my own parents when they died. Love, friendships brings happiness to life in the end, that is all that counts..
I was told by a very wise man stricken with Parkinson disease that it’s a lie to believe in the golden years, do not wait until you are too old, sick, &/or scared to do or go whatever your heart desires. These activities are for the young and healthy. And someone also told me that most of lifes regret comes from not what we do….but what we don’t do.
It is such a privilege to share this amazing time of life with folks. The very first point you make struck me powerfully. That’s because, in our book, Soul Solitude: Taking Time for Our Souls to Catch Up, we talk about two big predicaments that cause us to give up living our own authentic lives. The first is: living up to the expectations of others. In our work, as in yours, we’ve found that helping people express who they are from the inside out is the greatest gift. Then, we add the skills to sow peace within, at home & at work. Thanks so much for sharing this. I wish you well.
Having been in nursing for over 27 years, including palliative care, I agree that people often express regrets near the time of death. Two others I’ve heard very often are “I wish I loved more” and “I wish I had been more forgiving.” Not once did I hear, “I wish I had more money.” So, I’m working to change the concept of wealth to include health, relationships, mindset, wisdom, service to others, and lastly money. I call it Wealth Care. Thank you for a wonderful article to remind people what is truly important about living a full life.
Seldom does someone on their death bed say things like:
“I wish I had spent more time in the office”
“I wish I had not spent that $5000 on a European tour.”
“I wish I hadn’t gone to my granddaughter’s piano recitals and had stayed home to watch a football game on TV instead.
It makes you think, alright.
Great article!
The original author of this article is Bronnie Ware. Their website is located here:
http://www.inspirationandchai.com/Regrets-of-the-Dying.html
Based on this article, Bronnie has released a full-length book, titled The Top Five Regrets of the Dying.
I think you should use spell check before you publish a story. It looks bad for you to put this out like this. Otherwise it was an interesting article.
4 books I HIGHLY recommend:
Lessons from the Dying -by Rodney Smith, Final Gifts -by Maggie Callanan and Patricia Kelly, The Denial of Death -by Earnest Becker, The Grace in Dying -by Kathleen Dowling Singh.
Also, A General Theory of Love -by Thomas Lewis, M.D., et al. is an amazinghttp://users.trytel.com/~jfalt/Ene-med/j-p.html book for those who want to better understand the “biology of love”, (how oxytocin works, etc.).
Cheers!
Thanks for sharing this great article with me! It makes good sense and it’s never too late for a person to make positive changes & better choices. One such good choice is for a person diagnosed with Sleep Apnea to stay on their CPAP therapy. This will promote better health & the chance at living a happier life! Please check out http://www.RemZzzs.com for a cotton mask liner that will make it possible to wear the CPAP mask. You can email & get a free sample!
“I think you should use spell check before you publish a story. It looks bad for you to put this out like this. Otherwise it was an interesting article”
Really Linda? Thats what you took away from the article…not using spell check? You may want to read it again..and again…and again until you really understand the message.
The first regret strikes me the hardest. It very hard to stop being what you think people want you to be and just be yourself. It’s hard to even know what “yourself” is.
i took redundancy after working 25 years in a job i hated,
i am now an actor and even though im earning a lot less
than my old job
i feel more fulfilled,
Beautiful!
Thank you.
Thanks for posting this!!!
Greetings,
We would very much like to share a link to your project on our resource page for our own Human Voice Project. Please feel free to visit our website and contact me if you think this is a good connection.
Warm regards,
Kelly
A lot of these problems are touching and sad. I imagine dying in palliative care puts your mind in this world. But there is no reason to think there isn’t life after death, hope inside of ruin and triumph in defeat. Keep your eyes focused there and you can live this life, and the next!
What a wonderful article. Thanks for sharing so much truth. It affirms what I have been thinking during the past year and a half. I have been living in the shadowlands for so many years, and one of my best friends simply told me not to do it one more year, let alone more. It is time to live a life that glorifies God and is the one I am supposed to live. I can honestly say that my beloved friends who are the family I choose know that I love them more than words can express in either German or English. Speaking of languages: what appears to be misspelled words are the British English spellings of those words. Now you know.
Haha after reading that all you can say is use spell check get a life . It was amazing to hear that much wisdom thank you
Thank you for sharing this message. It came across my path right when I needed it. On Monday I am heading to Texas to pack my dad up and move him in with me and my family here in Georgia. He has lived in that area of Texas his entire life, this will be a very difficult move for him. He has several health issues now to where he can’t drive or live alone. He doesn’t have to many years left and is not comfortable with the loss of Independence. He’s already hit the feelings of denial, fear, anger and remorse I feel like he’s even going through a stage of rebellion. I can’t wait to share this article with him. I enjoyed reading all the other comments as well, I now have some books I need to get my hands on that will be very helpful to us.
“I think you should use spell check before you publish a story. It looks bad for you to put this out like this.”
Linda - Please point out the spelling mistakes you think need to be spellchecked.
Excellent article. Ihave been thinking about this since my parents are aging and it is a painful thing to watch. But then again, I question some it. What we feel when we are about to die should be a basis for making life’s choices but cannot be the only basis. This thing about hard work is tricky.
We work hard because we are afraid of dying poor which is a very real risk for everyone. We also want to have an identity/respect/a satisfied ego and a full stomach everyday; work gives us this.
While you have met those who could afford care in their older years, I wonder if those dying poor (and probably could not afford the care) would say I wish I had not worked hard. We die a long time after we have lived. So the question is - how do we want to live AND how do we want to die. The balance is the hard part. Most times I see that the people who worked hard and got ahead in life early have the most time for love and relationships in later years (some dont because they make a different choice, but most do). Usually wealth is also equal to more leisure and more income to ensure better relationships.
All the same, there is a lot to learn from what you have said - for me the key learning is ‘do not live another persons life’. This means a lot to me, makes me introspect.
Linda……..I hope you don’t expect perfection from all people in your life. HE (perfection) died many, many years ago!
I suspect Linda doesn’t realize that words like “learnt” and “realise” and “honoured” are all common variations in British English.
I would say I wished I had nnot changed shifts for others who would not make sure I got to my children’s recitals Hop they regret not being fair
Hardwork and financial security are important. The essence of the article highlights the greater purpose of our lives-connecting to our true selves and the ones we love, finding happiness that is not defined or determined by money and fulfilling our dreams and goals as human beings (outside of our profession). Beautiful article!
To David Sunfellow: The original author was Bronnie Ware? Under the article title it says: By T. Kelly. What gives?
Thanks for sharing and I remember waking up from a coma some years ago, and sitting down and doing some inner thinking and yes, these were definitely up there and something I work on every day now. So often, we wait until it is too late to realise these things and say to ourselves “I don’t regret anything because it got me where I am today.” Whilst this is true not to have regrets, when we sit down on our own and are truly honest, these are definitely up there so make the time now to live your life, rather than letting your life live you and amazing things happen. Thanks again for sharing.
I think the most valuable of advise is, pursue your passions. Too many people are afraid of failure or get lured away by making more money. Then the responsibilities of raising a family trumps a lot of things and puts them on hold. But if you started off by pursuing your passions, that would be your employment. We are all blessed with gifts and we should use them.
A few weeks before a friends 90 year old father died, he told his children , “I am buying my last piece of real estate, a room with dirt for windows” A Holocaust survivor who never lost his sense of humor.
The last tidbit should be the 1st thing taught to everyone. Happiness is indeed a choice, after that what could you possibly regret.
It’s a nice sentiment. But it’s sad that it’s plagiarized word for word.
I am not a frequent computer user ,however this article is a masterpiece ! How anyone can found fault in this is why I usually stick to old social medias ,like books!
For those speaking of spell check - you are idiots. These are British English spellings, which is actually where ENGLISH came from. Talk about completely missing the point of the article…
It warms my heart to read these 5 last regrets because I witnessed first hand my beloved Mother liviing her life doing each of the above . She was my hero . And an extraordinary example of how to enrich and enjoy life .
I published a book last year that explores the regrets and decisions of those who are sitting beside the bed of the folks who are dying. I liked this article, and folks who enjoyed it might also enjoy the book. Contact me through my website or check it out at Amazon: http://www.amazon.com/Peace-Edge-Uncertainty-Neil-Hanson/dp/0982639104/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1272890903&sr=8-1-catcorr
Indeed Linda, using British English just invalidates the whole thing. Best not read it eh?
Beautiful……I might add getting in touch with ones purpose to this.
A beautifully written article. Too many times we’re too busy until it’s too late. We fail to hear the truth until it’s too late. We forget to forgive until it’s too late.
Worth the read. Don’t let your life pass you by!
Totally agree with this… I was fortunate to meet my wife over 13 years ago now. She is a hospice nurse ( takes care of those near the end of life) Some things she has conveyed to me about her patients are amazing. Not one patient has ever told her for instance, that they wish they had more material things or made more money. We all seem to reflect and feel essentially the same once we know we are near the end of our life. It seems we all wish we would have spent more time with loved ones and our friends. The real pursuit of our own well being and happiness tops the list. “live each moment of each day as if it were your last because, honestly, we never really know when it could be.this is an awesome article. Thanks for posting:-)
This is powerful reading. Thank you for sharing.
Thank you for this article. After having lived a life in pursuit of career success and being known, after the loss of everything I truly cared about, including a partner, animals, friends, it took a long time to re-evaluate and figure out what life truly is about and what truly matters. So many tears about letting go of all those truly prescious things for what. Thank you so much for this article…really work on turning everything, everything around. it is never too late to love and care.
I like the article!!! Thanks for the research and your time! It’s sad that some people are worried about spell check. The importance is the wisdom from people who’s lives are about to end. Your life is a dash!!! On your tomb stone it reads birthdate-DASH-date of passing. How you live your life defines the Dash! The article has you take a look at your life and maybe do things that you wont regret later!!! Love everyone as though they were your neighbor! It’s good for your soul!
Thanks for the time and your article! God Bless!!!
This is article was written by Bronnie Ware: https://www.facebook.com/pages/Bronnie-Ware/215372810021?ref=ts&sk=wall
This article was written by Bronnie Ware and should be credited to her at the top of the page. It is good that you felt inclined to share it, but without even acknowledging the author, this is completely wrong, even more so that you put your own name there. Also, to the spell check complainer, Bronnie is Australian and has written with Australian spelling. There are no spelling errors in the article.
I notice that even your source has done the right thing and given credit to Bronnie Ware with a link to her website. Exposing the truth….really?
I have said for years “If you aren’t fun, you aren’t doing it right.”
If I were able to live my life again, next time I would try to make more mistakes.
I would not try to be so perfect. I would be more relaxed.
I would be much more foolish than I have been.
In fact, I would take very few things seriously.
I would be much less sanitary. I would run more risks. I would take more trips, I would contemplate more sunsets,
I would climb more mountains, I would swim more rivers.
I would go to more places I have never visited.
I would eat more ice cream and fewer beans.
I would have more real problems, fewer imaginary ones.
I was one of these people who lived prudently and prolifically every moment of his life.
Certainly I had moments of great happiness: Don’t let the present slip away.
I was one of those who never went anywhere without a thermometer, a hot water bottle, an umbrella, and a parachute.
If I could live over again, I would go barefoot, beginning in early spring and would continue so until the end of autumn.
I would take more turns on the merry-go-round.
I would watch more dawns
And play with more children, if I once again had a life ahead of me.
But, you see, I am eighty-five and I know that I am dying.
(Moments, by Borges)
Linda - do you realise the irony of your post!!!!
Love life, don’t worry about the small stuff (i.e the need to spell check!)
Great article. Simple message.
I wish I hadn’t read this #suicidewatch
Wow people… Seriously??? The person who posted this article posted a source for the article it’s not like they were trying to take credit for the article. Just because they may not have cited it correctly doesn’t mean that they have done something wrong! This is a beautiful article and they were just trying to share it with everyone. I don’t understand the ungrateful people these days!
I’m not dying yet but I think I’ve been close enough to comment. This is all good advice, but life is not this simple. I think, for me anyhow, that #1 and #3 cancels #2: I never worked so hard as when I was being true to myself and expressing my feelings. #3 cancels #4 sometimes: discretion is sometimes a cost you pay in a friendship. #4 cancels #5 sometimes: sometimes the loyalty at the heart of a friendship requires hard choices. But life is definitely about choices, and you’re better for making your own.
Writing this is so difficult. I was brought back to life more than once in my 52 years. Most recently it was in May. I had no clue to my mortality. Denial was not in my vocab at the time. If I had been taken my regret would have been not to tell and prepare my daughter and my family in the best way possible.
I shed tears because My father in his dying days made an 8 hour drive with my sister to see where I had been living. He needed to know that I was safely home and recuperating. He passed away 2 weeks after I drove down safely to visit him and drove home. He mentioned once that he had been diagnosed with congestive heart disease at the same as my mom. That was July 28th. My mom passed Nov 8. She was lucid and was able to tell me about her passage. She told me that it was almost their wedding anniversary and she didn’t want to be without my dad. She spped into a coma on their anniversary and died the following day.
Wow…what a deeply moving post, and one that packs alot of punch in making us think about our life choices.
Thank you so very much for sharing that with us, it was truly valuable.
Kara
This article has a refocusing effect to the meaning of life for us while still young to learn from those before us. Thank you for sharing! I would like to add 2 sources of information regarding the subjects of Living and Dying, which you may find beneficial (1). The book: The Tibetan Book of Living and Dying by Sogyal Rinpoche explores the ancient science of the mind in dealing with living to prepare for time of death; it discusses various topics encompassing the entire cycle of life and death and the meanings of living and dying. One of the most treasured book in my personal library. (2). In case you haven’t heard, Thay/Zen Master Thich Nhat Hanh teaches how to cultivate mindfulness (through meditation) to be present in our lives so that we can live our lives more fully with deep meanings, joy, appreciation, understanding, compassion and love. May we all have the courage to fully express who we truly are and support others in expressing theirs so that we will all be strong and beautiful!
This is a lovely article, and I’m sorry to see that it was plagiarized (or, for Linda, plagiarised). One point I strongly object to is the characterization of patients getting ill because of their attitudes. This is the kind of blame-the-victim mentality that is both incorrect and offensive. No one ever died of something they came down with because they were bitter. I guarantee whatever illness(es) those people had has also killed wonderful, happy people.
When your parents or grandparents begin “acting up” and getting wild ideas about doing things you don’t think they’re capable of anymore, they’re not necessarily senile; that’s the message here, after all - when life is getting short and these regrets settle in, it’s only natural to try to do at least one more thing that makes your life feel more complete. So figure out a way to do it - take the old man deep sea fishing or skydiving or send both your old, feeble grandparents on a cruise if that’s what they’ve always wished they’d done - if they die on the cruise, that will be okay with them, so it should be okay with you. If Grandma wishes she’d volunteered to feed the hungry in India or Africa - take her there and let her give of herself to others for awhile - she’ll be so much more at peace when she dies, and so will you.
I too have worked in this field and I agree with everything said here. I’ve also noted how often the families just “don’t have time” in their very busy lives to set aside some for the old folks. I understand this - I worked all my life and didnt’ have any real time, either, but on the one occasion that I did manage it, it made me a better person and a happier one.
Seriously….spell check?! If you’re North American, yes, you will think there’s a couple of errors…but if you’re British, there’s none.
Excellent article. So thought provoking and inspiring. I’m glad I came across it…I’ve got some changes to make.
For people who don’t understand blogging….by means who posted it and the source is at the bottom of the page with a link directly to it. They didn’t steal it or copy without giving credit to the source.
It’s a blog. The “by” means who posted it and there is a source link at the bottom of the page. It is not plagiarized.
If you know your going to die and you kown it was due to your actions then all you get is the consequences. Forget any possible regrets and get onto your bucket list!
I am sure that this is the best advice I have ever read in my life.
Thank you for this wonderful and heart felt, artical…It reminds me to appreciate my life and the happiness of not only myself and my loved ones, but most of all, the happiness of all humanity! Thank you
Nice article,
We can spend time to make money but, can not buy a second with it.
@Linda gosh ur so negative thats going to be one of YOUR REGRETS who cares about the spelling or whatever Linda’s going on about it makes one sit up and think about whether you are happy with your life thanks for this. Awesome reading take care & Good Health
Thanks for this post.. it reminded me of Ecclesiastes. chapter 9. the book in the bible written by Solomon after God gave him Great Wisdom he searched out and studied all things under the sun.. and in his conclusion..Chapter 12 verse 13 & 14 : Let us hear the conclusion of the whole matter : Fear God and keep his comandments: for this is the whole duty of man.. For God shall bring every work in to judgement with every secret thing, whether it be good or whether it be evil….Please pardon the spelling.. I am sitting in a dark room and my eye sight is not what it used to be… lol.. (for Linda that means laugh out loud)..I really think you should laugh out loud girl.. no pun intended.. peace..
I m going through this now not at death door but awaking that i have been allowing work people take over my life- I am making changes now hopefully not to late
very nice article! Rosanna your comment made me cry… i’ll start doing foolish things from now on..:)
i vary rarely comment of posts….but SPELL CHECK reely…..i spelled that incorecttttly jusst becuz i reeelly thinkk it iz about az stupid a comint on this topic as ani un cood haf maid…..get reaal.
When you are facing death, are you going to wish that you had spell checked your life…..if so, you are totally missing the point. There are often many acceptable spellings of a word……it disappoints me that someone would really choose that as a comment on an article such as this.
go spell check your attitude
Is spell check the problem or demanding perfection the real issue..?Brinnngs ot teh rebell n me..
I think we must not over-work and then over-spent, then worry about not enough money for the future, this led to more over-work and money made spent on medical care….and then died prematurely without ever living….haiz
“be happier” ?. I think for the majority of us the definition of happiness is and has been illusive; it also changes day to day, ok year to year. Life in general is one long journey of suffering punctuated by odd moments of joy. It is these that we remember (good old days). And for most of us our brains are programmed to ignore the bad ones. Hence the temptation for seeking chemical alternatives. For me, I am high when I work. So no regrets. On other things, the only regret might be unfulfilled wishes as it where. But all things being equal, I can go today with no bloody regrets.
Get by giving. Life is all about an attitude. When life gives you a lemon, take it. Free stuff is good
Bite into it. Learn the lesson; live it. Then pass on the lesson learned.
My mother, a living saint, always said, “Look for the silver lining in all the stuggles that life asks you to bare.” In her 90th-year, on her death bed, she was asked, “Where’s the silver lining?”. Mom answered, “I get to go home.”
Great article, and so true. We are often so busy chasing things that don’t matter and being so worried about what other people think, that we forget to be happy in the moment, and we forget to live for ourselves. We always think, I’ll be happy later, I’ll work less later, I’ll do things I want to do later. But that later never arrives.
Many folks die long before we bury them…
I wish I could just find and email button easy so I can send this yet there are a few dozen symbols of brands I’m supposed to recognize and waste time on.
Thank you for sharing your experience. Living life to the fullest is one of my daily mantras, and I hope that one day, we can all live in a world where living our best lives is possible for everyone. One love. Monika
Let’s be kind to Linda. As one of the comments written here, be more forgiving.
It was a great article!!
I too, worked in hospice. I have been with a younger sister while she died, as well as cared for my mother and another sister while dying. Unlike this person, I can only speak for myself - but I think this writer is glossing over a lot of hard truths with some easy sentiment. It is true, very few of the dying I (and again, I speak only for myself), wish they had spent more time at the office, but many died proud of the work they accomplished, whether in the arts, medicine, or evening cleaning office buildings. Many were alienated and afraid of their families. I remember one patient who was terrified of meeting her husband in heaven because he beat her regularly. And it is true, life is short. But human beings and the way they live their lives are incredibly complicated. I wish it was as easy as “choosing happiness.” Most of the patients, even the ones with incredibly happy lives, realized that life was learning about the fact that things are not that simple. Again, not to rain on anyone’s parade. Just my own experience in this field….
Thank you, Bud for pointing out that life isn’t easy and can’t be wrapped up in Hallmark card sound bites. Should we think about our life, our values? Absolutely! But “choosing happiness” is not like buying a new pair of boots - just isn’t that simple! I think what hits people about working with the dying is the b.s. factor gets cut way down - things come in to focus. But what is missing from this “list” is the fact that people come up with different things that are important. Some people DO die mean and greedy as they were when they were younger. And some people DO grow into their better selves. The hard work and the rewards of living a good, spiritual, meaningful (pick whatever word you want) life cannot be reduced to a list. Even Jesus spent time in prayer and reflection, trying to discern the next right thing….
…which brings me to one more thing, then I will shut up. For those who are Christian and care about this, Jesus did not “choose happiness” - Jesus chose the truth, to do God’s will. He left his home and his mother to do the work he felt called to do. Again, not relevant to everybody, but for those who are Christian and want to consider the larger picture, I think this is important to consider when thinking about the course of a life…
A wonderful article thankyou for sharing. ROSANNA You are not dying, as life on earth is a temporary assignment for all of us. Always remember, compared with eternity, life is extremely brief. Your identity is in eternity, and your homeland in heaven. God Bless You. xx Exerts taken from the book by Rick Warren “The Purpose Driven”.
I was in Tokyo with my family when the big quakes struck in March. It was such a wake up call. Life is precious, and short. Be true to yourself. That is both the easiest and hardest thing in the world.
A very profound article …. as diverse on impact as are people who read it. But it seems to hit hardest with those who have already dealt with death and dying, either personally or via a loved one. Some really get it but some will never get it! They prefer to live life on spell check so they can appear as though they never make mistakes…. but we know better!! They are so transparent and they do not even realize it. It is a pity!!
I guess that at 86 years old , although I am not in immediately in the category of Dying, I have had plenty of time to verify the truth of what has been written,
The thing that i think are important are:-
Live now
,Find happiness in love beauty and simple pleasures.
Let regret be fleeting .
Forget your criticisms , be positive and accepting with those that you love.
If it is important ,allow your needs to be known to those who love you.
Allow yourself to enjoy new activities.
. Do not let your brain wither!
Great, thought provoking article. Thanks!
Thank you for sharing these thoughts….I was privileged to be present at the births of my grandchildren and at the bedside of my parents as they died. What matters in these archetypal moments is love. Finding ways to play during these BIG moments in our lives is essential because through playful regard for the importance of these changes in our lives we discover what is being called for, being birthed. When my Dad was dying in hospice I found a swing in the garden, took notice of the birds in the garden who shared their voices with me, took to the chapel where I sounded my grief and sang the songs of a daughter. All play that led to forgiveness, letting go, and new births in my life with new energies that I can share with others. Why wait? There is no need-play now, share from your heart, enjoy life!
Thank you so much for this post. There aren’t really any surprises here, but fantastic reminders!
“Many developed illnesses relating to the bitterness and resentment they carried as a result.”
That’s some serious BS. Can I buy some homeopathic cures from you, too?
The bottom line….people are more important than things.
Bullshit! Happiness is NOT a choice! That’s a typical American belief. As if you could suddenly switch on happiness, and you would just be happy then.
It doesn’t work that way. Psychologically, that would just result in denial, which would eventually leak out somewhere else (e.g. in the form of drug abuse [and you were surprised so many Americans use hard drugs like Xanax, Adderall or Prozac]), or if held tight long enough, would burst out in one catastrophic event.
That is really fuckin’ stupid. Denial and ignorance of reality. (Again, typical “good old” American traits. But not specific to just the USA.)
Happiness is very very very simple: It’s a set of neuro-transmitters that spread in your brain in the event of getting what you need to grow/reproduce/improve. And unhappiness is the opposite. That’s it. Duh. So get these things, and you are happy. Food/air/water/heat/light (grow), love and sex (reproduce), improve (learning new things [So: NOT ignorance and denial] ideally with games), and you’re biologically good. But there is a second “you”. The mental individual. Which grows through confidence, *reproduces* through communication and learning, and improves through adaptation. The ideas/mindsets that you are. You have to care for that too, analogous to the biological you. Then you’ll feel happy too.
Not hard. Very very simple. In theory.
We have just had the ghastliest two weeks of our lives, as my wife had a brain haemorrhage, emergency surgery saved her life - but discovered that she has an inoperable malignant brain tumour which caused the stroke, and because of the effects of the stroke she cannot have radio/chemotherapy, which in this case does not do much good anyway. She will die, and she knows it. So far she shows a mixture of astonishing calm resignation and denial (she does not want to talk about it). We have a window of unknown length when she is conscious, lucid and speaking before the tumour grows further and does its work. I can only pray that it is used as well as this article suggests, and that she does indeed find peace before the end.
It may also provide some solace for my tortured mind of why oh why did she not die of the haemorrhage and make a clean end without this ghastly slow aftermath. What this means, I hesitate to speculate; I used to be dogmatically atheist, but now I am not so sure, I have this irrational belief that consciousness is too precious for life to waste it on a short life. In which case peace before death does matter. That migh still be wishful thinking, however
Great things about life. Thanks for suggesting me an optimism.
ok
It’s a funny thing. When we’re alive, we all want money, cars, luxurious vacations, etc. But when we have only a few days to live, we don’t say “I want a new mercedes” or “I want to make 10k euro today.
Thank you for sharing this.This is powerful reading
I so agree with all of that. But I’m also stuck in the reality of the fact that I am an (almost) middle-aged man with a lot of responsibilities. I would love to pursue some of my life dreams (bike-touring the Pan-American Highway, kayaking the Inside Passage, through-hiking the PCT), but let’s face it- those things all cost a lot of money.I could save up, give up my home and go, but then what, when I come back? Unemployed, homeless, probably broke- and in this economy I might stay that way for a long time. And what about my responsibility to my community, my friends, and my son? I’m not saying any of this to be argumentative, it’s just that these are the things that keep me from following my bliss. I don’t want to die with all those regrets, but I also don’t want to die broke and alone either.
Happiness is relative: for happiness is dependent on a situation. I have come to a conclusion that many at whatever age are looking for true joy, folks you are not gonna find it, know matter how great of a job you posses or amazing house or career you have obtain etc… will have to be let go eventually, After a brief puff of a moment some sooner than later; don’t get me wrong is not evil to posses them but letting those items posses you and lay all hope in them call for a tremendous emptiness when all vaporizes at loss of all health, wealth: to have much is a blessing that GOD has bless you with to bless others.
Has anybody heard of 2nd laws of thermodynamics, well it’s a scientific fact that states that every order in a system is in a declining mode: what does that mean to me, you might say??? This is what it means, every single minute that expires you are dying, your system is running out of energy and order, you might not see it now, but you will soon enough. I am Not sorry to be pessimistic in this topic, but some need to be alerted. I’ve Look at this after much research, have concluded man has eternity in his thoughts, man doesn’t wanna die..Duh we wanna live forever..
My point is that GOD made a way for you to find true eternal joy, and that’s by advising you by your conscious, Ur conscious is telling you that you have transgress GODS laws, for who has not stolen any little … Item,Irespectably of amount or value in their whole life, who hasn’t look at some one lustfully, or had I’ll will or some degree of hatred towards someone in their entire life: God equates hate with murder, and any lustfull desire with adultery(Illicit behaviour). So people get it together and search for GODS righteousness for without it you will never find eternal joy. You owe to yourself at least to investigate without partiality look at all facts through history and compare if true or false for yourself. Don’t take at face value at first but inquire deeply for we all have to cross the great chasm call death(Separation from body). Many already have their minds up and will hereafter only expect to meet up with darkness (torment) and everlasting shame and contempt …i have Good news though God’s righteousness has been reveal and invitation has been extended many will accept invitation but more greatly will decline HIS freely offer invitation to his Messiah CHRIST JESUS HE came to perfect the law of GOD ten commandments and 613 mitvahs(Commandments)”Jesus said you shall die in your sins, if you believe not that He is whom he says he was and IS, you shall die in your sins”John 8:24
English Word : believe
Original Greek:πιστεύω
Pronunciation
pist-yoo’-o
from 4102; to have faith (in, upon, or with respect to, a person or thing), i.e. credit; by implication, to entrust (especially one’s spiritual well-being to Christ):-believe(-r), commit (to trust), put in trust with.
From root Word that means both believe and faith in English
Original root word in Greek
ronunciation
pis’-tis
from 3982; persuasion, i.e. credence; moral conviction (of religious truth, or the truthfulness of God or a religious teacher), especially reliance upon Christ for salvation; abstractly, constancy in such profession; by extension, the system of religious (Gospel) truth itself:-assurance, belief, believe, faith, fidelity.
Thank for reading God bless.
Happiness is relative: for happiness is dependent on a situation. I have to a conclusion that many at whatever age are looking for true joy, folks you are not gonna find it, know natter hue great of a job or house or career etc. you will have to let it go After a brief puff of a moment some sooner than later. Has anybody heard of 2nd laws of thermodynamics, well it’s a scientific fact that states that every order in a system is in a declining mode: what does that mean to me, you might say??? This is what it means, every single minute that expires you are dying, your system is running out of energy and order, you might not see it now, but you will soon enough. Not sorry to be pessimistic in this topic, but some need to be alerted. Look after much research, I have concluded man gas eternity in his thoughts, man doesnt wanna die..Duh we wanna live forever..
My point is that GOD made a way for you to find true eternal joy, and that’s by advising you by your conscious, Ur conscious is telling you that you have transgress GODS laws, for who has no stolen any little … Irespectably of amount in their whole life, who hasn’t look at some one lustfully, or had I’ll will or some degree of hatred towards someone in their entire life: God equates hate with murder, and any lustfull desire with adultery(Illicit behaviour). So people get it together and search for GODS righteousness for without it you will never find eternal joy partially here or hereafter, for awaits you is darkness torment and everlasting shame…Gods righteousness is CHRIST JESUS HE came to perfect the law of GOD ten commandments and 613 mitvahs(Commandments)”Jesus said you shall die in your sins, if you believe not that He is whom he says he was, you shall die in your sins”John 8:24