January 20, 2013

Grief, Mourning, & Broken-Hearted Animals. No Doubt Many Animals Grieve The Loss Of Family & Friends

Over the past couple of years I’ve written about various aspects of the rich and complex emotional lives of animals, including essays on grief and mourning. I began one of those essays by writing, “There is no doubt that many animals experience rich and deep emotions. It’s not a matter of if emotions have evolved in animals but why they have evolved as they have. We must never forget that our emotions are the gifts of our ancestors, our animal kin. We have feelings and so do other animals.”

From time to time it’s worth revisiting the how’s and why’s of animal grief and mourning because more and more data have shown clearly that it’s arrogant and wrong to argue that we’re the only species in which grief and mourning have evolved. And grief crosses species barriers. The most obvious example is how we grieve the loss of our companion animals, a topic that will receive attention in Psychology Today by Dr. Jessica Pierce. Renowned anthropologist Barbara King, who is writing a book on grieving in animals, notes no one who has lived with a companion animal can doubt they grieve. I agree.

Of course our nonhuman companions also grieve the loss of their human friends. Many show such deep and enduring loyalty and devotion that they continue to follow the same routines in which they took part with their human friend for years after the human died or they choose to live out their lives where their human is buried. Among the most famous stories are those of Hachiko, an Akita who for ten years after his human companion’s death looked for him at the same train station in Tokyo, Japan, and of Bobby, a Skye Terrier, who took up residence for 14 years near the grave of his human companion, John Gray. When Greyfriar’s Bobby died in 1872 he was buried in the churchyard close to his master.

Many other animals display grief and mourning. A moving picture of chimpanzees grieving the loss of a group member, Dorothy, that went viral on the worldwide web can be seen here and a moving video of a chimpanzee mother’s grief can be seen here. I’ve literally felt the grief elephants feel for the loss of an other elephant. About 6 years ago I had the opportunity to observe elephants with renowned elephant researcher Iain Douglas-Hamilton, founder of Save The Elephants. Iain and I were driving into the field in Samburu National Reserve in northern Kenya where he and his team of researchers have conducted groundbreaking fieldwork for many years and I saw a group of elephants who formed a very loose group. Their heads were down, ears drooping, tails hanging listlessly, and they were just walking here and there, moping around, apparently broken-hearted. I asked ian if there was something wrong because not only could I see it but i could feel it and he told me the herd’s matriarch had died recently and it wasn’t clear if these individuals would get together again as they had been a tightly bonded group before she died. Just a few kilometers down the road I saw a group of elephants, each of whom was walking tall,heads up, ears up, and tails up. I could feel their happiness, clearly they were close friends, and they looked as content as could be. (For more on elephants see also.)

Perhaps one of the most well-known descriptions of the deep grief that animals feel when they lose a loved one is Jane Goodall’s observations of Flint, a young chimpanzee who withdrew from his group, stopped eating, and died of a broken heart soon after the death of his mother, Flo. Here is Goodall’s description from her book Through a Window:

Never shall I forget watching as, three days after Flo’s death, Flint climbed slowly into a tall tree near the stream. He walked along one of the branches, then stopped and stood motionless, staring down at an empty nest. After about two minutes he turned away and, with the movements of an old man, climbed down, walked a few steps, then lay, wide eyes staring ahead. The nest was one which he and Flo had shared a short while before Flo died. . . . in the presence of his big brother [Figan], [Flint] had seemed to shake off a little of his depression. But then he suddenly left the group and raced back to the place where Flo had died and there sank into ever deeper depression. . . . Flint became increasingly lethargic, refused food and, with his immune system thus weakened, fell sick. The last time I saw him alive, he was hollow-eyed, gaunt and utterly depressed, huddled in the vegetation close to where Flo had died. . . . the last short journey he made, pausing to rest every few feet, was to the very place where Flo’s body had lain. There he stayed for several hours, sometimes staring and staring into the water. He struggled on a little further, then curled up- and never moved again.

There’s no doubt Flint was grieving and feeling totally lost in the world. Life was no longer worth living.

We really don’t need more data to know other animals grieve and mourn the loss of family and friends and I’m sure as time goes on more and more species will be added to the list of animals who grieve. But for those who do want more, a book called Animal Grief: How Animals Mourn was recently published that contains new information on how a wide variety of animals respond to death. Accompanied by striking photographs of a wide range of animals is a text filled with new information about animal grief. Topics covered include animal souls, self-awareness, the neurobiology of grief and mourning, mourning rituals, stages of grief, and numerous examples of grief in a wide variety of animals, including elephants, chimpanzees, cats, dogs, and various birds. A large amount of information is packed in its 80 pages and it’s an easy read.

A big question still remains, namely, why has grief evolved? The functions of grief (why it has evolved) remain a topic for discussion. I ended my earlier essay on grief in animals as follows, and these explanations still seem to hold.

“Why do animals grieve and why do we see grief in different species of animals? It’s been suggested that grief reactions may allow for the reshuffling of status relationships or the filling the reproductive vacancy left by the deceased, or for fostering continuity of the group. Some theorize that perhaps mourning strengthens social bonds among the survivors who band together to pay their last respects. This may enhance group cohesion at a time when it’s likely to be weakened. Grief itself is something of a mystery, for there doesn’t seem to be any obvious adaptive value to it in an evolutionary sense. It does not appear to increase an individual’s reproductive success. Whatever its value is, grief is the price of commitment, that wellspring of both happiness and sorrow.”

Grieving and mourning clearly show that nonhuman animals are socially aware of what is happening in their worlds and that they feel deep emotions when family and friends die. Clearly we’re not the only animals who possess the cognitive and emotional capacities for suffering the loss of others.

Source: http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/animal-emotions/201111/grief-mourning-and-broken-hearted-animals

Survival When Your World Comes Crashing Down

So much of the growing “bandwagon hype” focuses on elaborate scenarios, calculated to make a sensational impact. A balanced and methodical approach to preparedness covers more aspects to “being prepared” than doomsday events and even natural disasters. Recently, I have dealt with three particular cases in which families and individuals were affected by distinct and unfortunate circumstances. What are some other ways that you can be ready for a different kind of scenario, when your world comes crashing down?

* Divorce/Separation
* Sudden Death within the Family
* Loss of Employment

Divorce/Separation

Recently, I was saddened to learn of a divorce between a couple that appeared to have everything: strong and stable marriage, financial wealth, excellent health, and admirable goals as a couple and small family. Both are highly intelligent individuals with great careers…things are not always as they appear on the surface. This particular couple has recently filed for divorce and their lives have been turned upside down with the betrayal of trust committed by one of the spouses. Tragic.

Where does the betrayed spouse turn? How will he/she weather the storm of mortgage payments, credit card bills, division of community property/assets, etc.? Combined, the total household income provided an enormous bubble of affluence and comfort. Divided, the income is asymmetrical and leaves the spouse with custody of the children in dire straits. The spouse with the children has no food storage, no idea how to address basic medical treatments, limited financial savings, significant mortgage and car payments, as well as other expenses that are beyond available resources. Emotionally, both spouses are a wreck. Their world has crashed and lay in pieces.

Sudden Death within the Family

A once healthy, young, and vibrant friend suddenly collapsed and died a few weeks ago. This individual worked and provided well for his/her family. The spouse’s income added a second source of stability that sustained their love of traveling the earth together. The sadness of such a sudden loss has deeply affected the decedent’s family and added financial strain on their previous lifestyle. The unanticipated and unexpected “premature” demise of such a wonderful person has impacted routines, commitments, plans, and pursuits, and crashed the world of the survivors.

Loss of Employment

Two successful professionals each recently received pink slips, dashing their plans of retirement within the next 3 years. This couple is married and their children are grown and in relationships of their own. This couple’s income provided a comfortable lifestyle with a handsome home located in an ideal suburban neighborhood. One spouse was recently offered employment in another state which requires relocation. Their assets are within reach of being paid off completely, but the recent job loss requires breaching retirement accounts and accessing funds that were designed to provide for their lives after retirement. The penalties associated with premature acceptance of their own money is disheartening. Their plans on enjoying the almost daily visits from their grandchildren have been scratched. Their world has come crashing down.

Station

Each of these three experiences finds individuals in specific age ranges. The first experience deals with a couple in their early thirties. The second couple’s ages are 49 and 50 years old. The third couple’s ages are 62 and 63 years old. Each of these couples is experiencing dramatic impacts to its current pursuits and future plans. The efforts which they have exerted over the years have established patterns of behavior and thought, not easily changed or erased. They will-of necessity-become modified. Each has been placed within the crucible of unfortunate timing. Worlds can crash irrespective of age and station of life.

Take-Away

Three suggestions come to mind in the analysis of each of these cases. As only one case is absolute in its resolution: death, my suggestions serve as a buoy to strengthen mental, emotional, and physical survival when worlds crash.

  1. Invest soundly in family relationships.
  2. Establish vehicles to secure sustenance and finances in a catastrophic event.
  3. Pursue a sound and moral entrepreneurial venture.

Invest in Family Relationships

Family is not necessarily the relationship of genetically-related individuals. Family is a function of the most fundamental society: biological and adopted. The ability for parents and siblings to interact, learn and teach, care for, and invest in each other is priceless. Learning to become Self-Reliant as a family will do wonders for talent discovery and development, enhance individuality and self-esteem, and add variety and appreciation for each other. As a various strengths and abilities are enhanced, the collective bargaining power of this micro-society will greatly benefit the surrounding communities with which families interact.

Establish Vehicles to Secure Sustenance and Finances in a Catastrophic Event

Various types of insurances on houses, medical, personal belongings, vehicles, etc., promise returns on premiums paid. With the sudden death of a loved one, life insurance policies add a measure of peace to ease the emotional and physical strains of tragic losses. Insurances can provide valuable protection for those surviving and having to deal with the continued challenges of life.

Food storage, financial-savings (including items for trade such as precious metals), preparedness products, livestock, and other necessities provide sustenance for support and financing in times of need.

Skills that prove most valuable are those which endow their possessor with the ability to generate life-sustaining necessities. The establishment of a business which sells breads, hand-made goods, insurances, investments, real-estate, etc., have proven beneficial to spouses who have had to generate sustainable income due to the loss of their spouse, whose income had previously provided. The ability to successfully garden is another vehicle that helps many individuals and families to eat what they need and sell surplus to those who can benefit.

Pursue a Sound and Moral Entrepreneurial Venture

So many professionals are dedicated to their careers, yet they fail to pursue creative outlets of expression. Many times, talented forms of such expression can prove a sustainable business model. Risk-aversion seems to be the main culprit to entrepreneurial pursuits. Inadequate execution proves the demise of most start-ups that fail. A happy-medium can be found in the pursuit of small entrepreneurial ventures, outside of existing professional commitments.

I know of a lady who works as a professional accountant for a large, successful firm. In the evenings she paints. She produces inspiring works. Her development of that painting talent began as she pursued an interest she always held in painting. As she pursued it in her free time, she discovered that her talent was admired and coveted. It also proved lucrative.

I know of a man who is now a chocolatier, although he previously worked as an attorney. His passion with confections outweighed his drive to be a lawyer. His creations were highly coveted as well.

Summary

Tragedy never strikes at a convenient time, unless you’re from a certain part of Wall Street. In order to lessen the blow of such events, each one of us can take steps to strengthen our family relationships, establish security for those we love, and pursue creative entrepreneurial ventures outside of our current professional/vocational commitments. Employing these principles will not make us immune to any tragedy, but they will enable us to maintain our posture and help our loved ones maintain theirs as well.